They went in the footsteps of St. Francis of Assisi, the wounded warrior, who knew the ravages of war and the psychic horror of being held captive.
The 33 veterans and their friends who traveled to Italy in May learned the saint’s story, visited the places he made famous, and came away with a greater spiritual insight into their own wounds, both physical and psychic.
Led by Fr. Conrad Targonski, OFM, a retired Naval chaplain and Iraqi War veteran, they made the connection between their own struggles and the issues faced by Francis, who, before his famous conversion, went to war for his city-state only to be wounded and captured. As in Francis’ journey, they saw themselves as shaped by their war experiences.
Gerard Glab, an Army vet of the Iraqi War, now a religious studies student at Viterbo University in La Crosse, Wisconsin, was reminded by the architecture. In Italy, unlike the American Midwest, the buildings are old and clustered together, much like those in Iraq. He was struck by a visit to the chapel built underneath where Francis was held captive.
“You wouldn’t know it was there. It’s very small,” said Gerard. On the wall is a depiction of Francis holding up his companion and friend St. Clare in a supportive gesture. For Gerard, the art triggered his own memories of returning home after war.
“I really didn’t talk to anyone about it for a decade while I was taking care of others close to me. But it wasn’t just me who was wounded. The people who I was caring for had their own wounds. We are called to walk together.”
Gerard, now discerning a Franciscan vocation, was on his second pilgrimage. He’s found Assisi to be a place of healing. Rome, he noted, is rather chaotic. By contrast, while often filled with pilgrims, “Assisi is quiet and calm. I am a well-traveled man. Assisi is the most peaceful place I’ve ever been.”
The shopkeepers are joyous, he said. “They genuinely care about where you are coming from.”
His journey from war – he served in the U.S. Army in Iraq in 2009 – brought Gerard to many places. “I was trying to find where I belonged,” he said.
In high school he had thought of becoming a priest. He has reawakened that quest, even though dioceses and religious orders shied away from him because of concerns about the impact of his war experience.
His PTSD manifested itself beyond his quiet moods. He found himself afraid to go to the movies, as public spaces could be terrorist targets. He was anxious around piles of trash, as they could hide bombs. He compulsively drove in the middle of the road, as the sides could be harboring explosives. Loud noises created triggers.
“That was very hurtful,” Gerard said about the rejection he received from religious communities and dioceses. “I was told that I was scary. It was hard for me to get over that.”
He’s found a home with the friars, perhaps because of the community’s heritage. He’s found that many of the friars have military experience. “Francis was a vet. They have that connection,” he said.
At age 38, he’s found a connection in a Christian community, sharing the camaraderie he once shared with his army brothers and sisters. He hopes to begin postulancy as a friar next year. Meanwhile, he is writing a senior thesis on the theology of love, focusing on church community.
Another veteran pilgrim to Italy is Brandon Schoonover, 36, who noted that it was his first trip overseas not related to military service. He is a Navy veteran who served on aircraft carriers during the conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Brandon is a non-Catholic but connected to the trip through Fr. Conrad, a chaplain at Viterbo University. He is now studying for a master’s degree in social work, hoping to enter a healing profession while cognizant of his own wounds.
He’s forged a connection through the pilgrimage with other veterans in the La Crosse area. He is an evangelical Christian who found his own experiences linked to those of the Catholic saint from Assisi and a fellow war veteran who transformed his own personal struggles into great spiritual insights.
“We learned that St. Francis went to war and became a prisoner. Without that experience, he might not have become a saint and found his true calling,” said Brandon.
He relates to Francis’ coming home experience, a time when he nursed his wounds. Like returning vets from all eras, Francis “had to find himself again.”
Brandon has found through counseling and support that his mission is now to serve others. He was particularly touched by visits to the area where Francis encountered lepers.
His own transition to civilian life “was not an easy one. There were ups and downs. Now I am feeling I am operating on all cylinders,” he said, acknowledging that he struggled with mental health issues derived from his military service. In one instance, he was on an aircraft carrier during an accident that killed a friend. The incident comes back to him via nighttime sweats, anxiety, and depression.
It was what he described as a “moral injury” that has taken him years to heal. The community he was a part of on the pilgrimage to Italy, as well as meetings with fellow travelers when he returned home, allowed Brandon to share common experiences.
For fellow vet Gerard, the pilgrimages are a part of a long healing process. “This is the creative power of God. It’s about being open and alert to that,” he said.
